The Five Step Journey
Step One: Acknowledge the Inevitable
Death is a subject that binds us all, is often shrouded in avoidance and holds a universal truth: it is an inevitable part of the human experience. At TGBeyond, we confront this reality not with resignation but with a proactive, structured approach. The foundation of our 5 Step Journey begins with acknowledging the certainty of death. This first step is not about accepting, understanding or finding comfort in this fact but simply recognizing mortality as a part of our life’s journey.
Why Acknowledging Death Matters:
Acknowledging the end is the first step in living every moment we have with our loved ones. It prompts us to better prepare practically and emotionally for when the time comes. It's about safeguarding ourselves and those we care for against the confusion and stress of unprepared moments.
I would prefer to be eternal but I guess that won’t work out. - Jason
Talking about sex doesn’t make you sexy and acknowledging death doesn’t make you dead. - Barry
The cost of Ignoring death
Without this acknowledgment, we risk being unprepared, missing crucial conversations, and neglecting the wishes of those close to us, and adding additional stress and confusion in times when peace and clarity are most needed.
The Benefits of Acknowledging Death
Facing our mortality and considering the end-of-life for ourselves and our loved ones can seem daunting. However, the benefits of this acknowledgment are profound. It encourages us to live more fully, prepare for the future, and ensure our loved ones are cared for in all aspects.
Arrange: The second step on your Journey
The Arrange Step of the 5 Step Journey defines a structured, proactive approach to the inevitable.
The arrange step is about embracing the power of choice and control by creating a blueprint that communicates your preferences with regards to medical, financial , legal and legacy matters, reducing stress and uncertainty for the people you leave behind.
“Your problems and mess don’t go away because you are dead” - Jason
“This sounds like a giant pain-in-the ass, but it really is a gift to your family. And yes, it will take some effort to do.” - Barry
The gift of arranging
By clearly communicating your wishes around end-of-life preferences, you will help avoid disputes that can create rifts among family members for years to come.
By making financial and legal decisions ahead of time, you can save a large amount of time and money in legal fees and taxes.
By informing your family about your medical and memorial preferences, you can allow for greater meaning and self-expression when the end comes.
Failure to make end-of-life arrangements in advance can result in courts, doctors and hospital bureaucrats making decisions that your and your family would never have made.
Let’s sTart Arranging
Now that you have decided to make advance arrangements, the steps involved will include:
Conversations with family members
Gathering of information and documents
Seeking guidance from professionals
Making decisions
Communicating your plans
The following 4 actions will eliminate 90% of the avoidable stress and complications that will arise in the event of your death.
Writing a Will and naming beneficiaries: Secure your legacy and ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes.
Creating Advanced Directives: Make your medical preferences known to avoid unnecessary suffering and confusion.
Naming Guardians: Protect the future of your minor children and ensure your benefits go to the right people.
Saving Passwords: Ease the administrative burden on your loved ones by organizing your digital life.
honor: The third step in the journey through loss
The emotional impact of an unexpected death can be vast and varied. Here’s what you may experience:
Shock and Disbelief: Initially, it may be hard to accept that the death has occurred.
Grief and Sadness: Intense sorrow is the most common reaction, where feelings of emptiness and despair can take hold.
Anger: This can be directed towards the situation, oneself, the deceased, or even medical staff.
Guilt: Often accompanies unexpected deaths, especially if one feels they could have prevented it.
Each person’s journey through these emotions is unique, and there is no "right" way to feel after such a traumatic event.
Embracing Honor in Moments of Farewell
At the heart of our 5 Step Journey, Honor stands as a time of mourning, respect and remembrance in the profound moments that surround the death of a loved one. It is a phase where we uphold the wishes of the departing from medical decisions to the observance of cultural and personally meaningful rituals.
Honor is a commitment to celebrating a life in a manner that reflects true respect for legacy, providing space for us to mourn, remember, and reflect in a deeply personal and culturally sensitive way.
Why It is Important to Honor a Loss
A Foundation for Healing: Honor facilitates a process that respects the departed while offering support and solidarity to the bereaved.
A Catalyst for Community: In honoring a life, we create a shared space for expression and support, strengthening bonds and fostering a collective journey through grief.
A Tribute to Legacy: Through honor, we ensure the lasting impact of loved ones, preserving their memory in the hearts and minds of all they touched.
Neglecting to Honor our losses may have profound effects on our grief journey.
Unresolved Grief: Without a dedicated space to mourn, individuals may not process the loss in healthy ways.
“Grief denied is grief delayed. It’s gonna come out some time, in some way, and it may not be pretty”- Barry
Diminished Community Support: The lack of shared rituals can erode the support network which can help us navigate loss.
Regret and Guilt: Failing to honor the departed in meaningful and appropriate ways can leave negative emotions within and among those experiencing the loss.
Honor is not merely a step but a necessary passage that enriches our emotional and spiritual well-being during one of life's most taxing period
rearrange: the fourth step
In the wake of a loved one's departure, we enter the significant "Rearrange" phase of our 5 Step journey. It's a time where we need to tackle a potentially daunting list of administrative, legal, and financial tasks while dealing with our loss and grief. Ignoring this phase can lead to prolonged grief, stress, and potential legal and financial complications.
Organize and Prioritize Tasks
1. List Making: Start by listing all necessary tasks, distinguishing between urgent legal and financial matters and those that can wait. This approach helps in reducing overwhelm.
2. Set Timelines: Establish realistic deadlines for each task, allowing for a structured approach to tackling each responsibility.
How to Navigate "Rearrange"
Seek Support: Whether it's professional advice or help from friends and family, there are others who may be able to help. Sharing the load can make the journey less daunting.
“If it wasn't for my brother-in-law Bob, we would still be cleaning out desk drawers in my parents house 3 years later.” - Barry
Prioritize Self-Care: Amidst the administrative tasks, remember to care for yourself. Emotional and physical well-being are paramount during this time.
Celebrate Small Victories: Each completed task is a step forward. Recognize your progress and allow yourself to feel accomplished.
Live: Embracing the journey forward
The final step of our 5 Step Journey is "Live" - a transformative stage where we learn to navigate life anew after the loss of a loved one. This is not about leaving behind memories but about finding a way to incorporate the loss into our everyday lives, enabling us to step forward with strength and resilience. It's a testament to our ability to adapt and grow, even in the face of profound loss.
Neglecting to engage with the "Live" phase can trap us in a cycle where the past continually overshadows the present and future, and we miss the opportunity to live fully.
How to embrace the “live” phase
1. Acceptance and Adjustment: Recognize that life has changed and allow yourself the space to adjust. This involves both emotional acceptance, self-care and practical changes in daily life.
2. Honor and Remember: Find ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive that inspire personal growth and happiness.
3. Seek Support and Connection: Surround yourself with supportive people who understand your journey. Engage in activities that connect you to others and to your own evolving identity.
4. Focus on Growth and Joy: Allow yourself to seek and experience joy, understanding that it does not diminish the love you have for those who are no longer physically present.
Taking the next steps:
Engaging with the "Live" phase is a deeply personal journey that looks different for everyone. It's a step that requires patience, kindness towards oneself, and the courage to move forward.
If you're navigating this challenging yet important phase, know that it's possible to find a balance between honoring the past and embracing the future.
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CHECK OUT OUR DEATH-POSITIVE DOCUMENTARY
Join a remarkable journey in "A Butterfly Has Been Released," as hospice nurse Allyson spends her last 39 days, living and dying with brain cancer.